Why Christmas Is A Really Bad Time For Some Kids
If, like me, you grew up in a happy home, then it can be hard to imagine that Christmas is anything but a wonderful time of the year.
Christmas in my home was all about family. It was a warm, cosy time of year: there was always food on the table and presents under the tree; I got to see my cousins, rearrange my grandparents' furniture into train and eat way too much chocolate.
But for some kids, Christmas is a bust.
First of all, it means a change in routine and for some children that is really hard to cope with. Just the anticipation of Christmas can make some children stressed and anxious and the last two weeks of term can be very difficult. For an ASD child, "fun" festive activities like special assemblies and nativity plays are a nightmare - suddenly their nice predictable routine is up in the air and they can't keep up. Stressed and anxious children - with or without an ASD label - are less able to make positive choices and they can end up being sanctioned when in fact all they want is a quiet corner.
The solution for these children is to keep things as normal as possible for them. Let them take part but make it a choice and offer them familiar activities and a quiet space when they need it. If they normally do Maths at 10.30 on a Tuesday, then have some Maths ready for them to do at that time if they want it. When you have to disrupt their routine, tell them in advance and make sure that they know what is happening and why.
Christmas is also a time when children who come from less affluent homes can feel very isolated. When the talk all around you is of expensive presents and treats, knowing that you will not be getting very much - if anything - is hard. Some will tell elaborate lies about what they are going to get. Others just go quiet. For children living in food and fuel poverty, all the talk of Christmas just rubs it in all the more. There are children who come to school hungry every day and we feed them. We have in the past given children food out of our cupboards because there was nothing at home. We watch the Cratchit family Christmas in Dickens' classic tale and imagine that nobody lives like that anymore. In fact there are some who are worse off than that tight-knit optimistic family.
I can't make poor children affluent, but I can check with social workers that there will be food on the table in the holidays and that the heating won't be cut off.
For children and young people who live in dysfunctional homes, Christmas brings all the familial issues into sharp relief and there is often little chance of escape from the arguments. At a time when every film on TV seems to be about happy families getting along or not getting along until a Christmas miracle happens and they all realise that they love each other, hearing your parents yelling at you or each other is particularly difficult. Problems like substance abuse, alcoholism, neglect, physical and mental abuse do not improve when families are thrown together for an extended period often in cramped accommodation. Money worries, old disputes and poor mental health make for a toxic mixture and for the children it can be hellish.
Children looking to escape from the family home will not always make good choices about where to go. They are very vulnerable and need to know where the safe places are - hanging out in the park with older kids who are perhaps eager to initiate a younger child in to sexual activity, drugs and alcohol is not a good option but that is where they can end up if they are not directed somewhere else. As I write this, I realise that I do not know where those safe places might be for some of my students. Do they have other relatives they can go to? Are there activities they can sign up to to get out of the house?
For some children, Christmas is a reminder of past traumas and can bring up all sorts of emotions. Grief can resurge at Christmas when it becomes harder to ignore the absence of a parent or sibling who has died, as can feelings of abandonment in a family where parents are separated or divorced. The traumas don't have to be recent for them to have a profound effect.
It's hardly surprising then, that some children's mood dips or their behaviour deteriorates as the festive season approaches. I know that I shall be watching some of my learners this week and definitely thinking about what I can do to help or, at the very least to not make things worse.
Christmas in my home was all about family. It was a warm, cosy time of year: there was always food on the table and presents under the tree; I got to see my cousins, rearrange my grandparents' furniture into train and eat way too much chocolate.But for some kids, Christmas is a bust.
First of all, it means a change in routine and for some children that is really hard to cope with. Just the anticipation of Christmas can make some children stressed and anxious and the last two weeks of term can be very difficult. For an ASD child, "fun" festive activities like special assemblies and nativity plays are a nightmare - suddenly their nice predictable routine is up in the air and they can't keep up. Stressed and anxious children - with or without an ASD label - are less able to make positive choices and they can end up being sanctioned when in fact all they want is a quiet corner.
The solution for these children is to keep things as normal as possible for them. Let them take part but make it a choice and offer them familiar activities and a quiet space when they need it. If they normally do Maths at 10.30 on a Tuesday, then have some Maths ready for them to do at that time if they want it. When you have to disrupt their routine, tell them in advance and make sure that they know what is happening and why.
Christmas is also a time when children who come from less affluent homes can feel very isolated. When the talk all around you is of expensive presents and treats, knowing that you will not be getting very much - if anything - is hard. Some will tell elaborate lies about what they are going to get. Others just go quiet. For children living in food and fuel poverty, all the talk of Christmas just rubs it in all the more. There are children who come to school hungry every day and we feed them. We have in the past given children food out of our cupboards because there was nothing at home. We watch the Cratchit family Christmas in Dickens' classic tale and imagine that nobody lives like that anymore. In fact there are some who are worse off than that tight-knit optimistic family.
I can't make poor children affluent, but I can check with social workers that there will be food on the table in the holidays and that the heating won't be cut off.
For children and young people who live in dysfunctional homes, Christmas brings all the familial issues into sharp relief and there is often little chance of escape from the arguments. At a time when every film on TV seems to be about happy families getting along or not getting along until a Christmas miracle happens and they all realise that they love each other, hearing your parents yelling at you or each other is particularly difficult. Problems like substance abuse, alcoholism, neglect, physical and mental abuse do not improve when families are thrown together for an extended period often in cramped accommodation. Money worries, old disputes and poor mental health make for a toxic mixture and for the children it can be hellish.
Children looking to escape from the family home will not always make good choices about where to go. They are very vulnerable and need to know where the safe places are - hanging out in the park with older kids who are perhaps eager to initiate a younger child in to sexual activity, drugs and alcohol is not a good option but that is where they can end up if they are not directed somewhere else. As I write this, I realise that I do not know where those safe places might be for some of my students. Do they have other relatives they can go to? Are there activities they can sign up to to get out of the house?
For some children, Christmas is a reminder of past traumas and can bring up all sorts of emotions. Grief can resurge at Christmas when it becomes harder to ignore the absence of a parent or sibling who has died, as can feelings of abandonment in a family where parents are separated or divorced. The traumas don't have to be recent for them to have a profound effect.
It's hardly surprising then, that some children's mood dips or their behaviour deteriorates as the festive season approaches. I know that I shall be watching some of my learners this week and definitely thinking about what I can do to help or, at the very least to not make things worse.
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