Year 7 Assessment: with apologies to Joyce Grenfell.

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Come in please year 7. That's right. Tuck your shirt in please, Andrew, and you please Thomas. Good lads. Steven, please do your top button up dear. Thank you. Sit down everyone. What's that Peter? Someone's stolen your pencil case? When you say stolen, Peter do you mean you've lost it? Yes? I thought so. Sit down dear - here's a pen.

So everyone today we are going to...

Charlie. What are you doing? Well don't dear. Because it isn't nice and Thomas doesn't like it. No Thomas, you don't like it. You do? Well I don't like it on your behalf.
Today we are going to do our writing assessment...

Now don't start year 7. We talked about this last lesson, and the lesson before. I emailed the date of the assessment to your parents and its on the website and the VLE. You are going to write a description of a forest and show me your best techniques. I'm really looking forward to marking them. Yes I am Charlie. I like marking. Because I can see how much progress you have all made. 

No Andrew, we are not writing about Ironman. Yes I know you like Ironman, but he is not in our forest is he? Nor is Antman... nor is Superman.

Right year 7, that's ENOUGH! Just settle down and get your pens out. Yes Charlie, spelling does count because this is a writing assessment. Now everyone. Please put today's date and the title.
It's on the board Charlie. And copy down the success criteria. They're on the board too Charlie. Yes Andrew, I do want you to write them ALL down. 

Steven, is that your mobile phone I can see? Put it away dear. What do you mean your mother is texting you? Well text her back and tell her you're in your English lesson. Or do you want me to give her a call? No I don't expect you do dear. Put it away.

Now, off you go and write a lovely description of a forest.

What did you say Moh? What sort of forest? Well that's up to you dear. Perhaps a nice deciduous forest in Autumn. No Moh, I can't tell you how to spell deciduous. This is a writing test. Now get on with it dear.

No, I don't think you can have finished already Charlie, you've only just started and you have only written one paragraph. What's that? The forest burnt down? Well describe its smoking remains then dear. Yes, I expect it IS a metaphor isn't it. Probably for my career.

No Andrew, The Avengers did NOT burn down Charlie's forest. Well I don't know. Perhaps you can peer assess with Charlie and find out later. Now hush.

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Now then, it's time to finish off. Remember to check your work carefully. Well I'm sorry that you haven't quite finished, but the time is up. 

Make sure your name is at the top, because I really am looking forward to marking these. Of course I am Charlie. No, I'm not lying Thomas.
Now off you all go!




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