Sex Ed - We Have To Do Better.

I clearly remember my sex educations lessons at school. There was the talk on periods in Junior
School where all the girls were gathered together to learn that once a month we would shed our womb linings. There was the Science lesson where a supply teacher (brave, brave woman) who was the first teacher to use the word penis in front of us without embarrassment. There was the RE lesson where we watched a Swedish film in which Eric and Inger ran nekked as the day they were born into the sea togther and when they came out Inger was pregnant. God knows what happened out there, but the upshot was Inger giving birth in a scene so graphic that one boy fainted.

Nothing about consent though. Nothing really helpful. Nothing that made sex sound like something you wanted to do one day. If you were gay or questioning there was nothing for you at all. Later there was much talk of AIDS. We were that generation. Sex equalled death. 

And yet for all that, we were lucky. We learned about sex in our own time, and the messages tended to be simple if a little reactionary and moralising.

This week, a colleague had to deal with the issue of "dick pics". If you are unaquainted with the phenomenon, then I am truly sorry to do this to you, but many people (adults as well as kids) think it is perfectly normal and acceptable to photograph their genitalia and send the resulting images to people they fancy.

Sexting is commonplace amongst our young people. They think it is normal and that everyone is doing it. It's a way to get attention and to explore their sexuality. But here's the kicker. It is illegal to be in possession of sexual images of a minor - even if you are a minor yourself. If you then send that image on to someone else, you are in even deeper trouble. There are children on the sex offender register who thought what they were doing was "abit of fun".

Clearly, our sex education in schools is not doing  a great job of protecting our kids in this regard. My colleague reported what she had been told by students in the proper way, but the kids involved were up in arms. They simply could not see that what they had done was in any way unsafe. They had no idea how vulnerable their actions made them, or that their teacher was simply protecting them and the other children involved. That is deeply troubling.

I was teaching 'An Inspector Calls' on Friday to my lovely Y11s - all boys. We were discussing a character caleed Sheila, the daughter of wealthy parents. At 21 or 22 she is engaged to be married. As we were talking, I realised that I needed to correct some of their misconceptions. As a young lady in 1912, she would not have kissed her fiance full on the mouth, she would not have seen a man naked (apart from perhaps in an art gallery and maybe not even then), she would deffo NOT have been getting hot and heavy with her intended in the orangery.

"You mean she's nover done it?" asked an incredulous student.

"Nope," says I, "And she's got quite the suprise coming on her wedding night." 

The boys' jaws dropped. 

A world without porn. A world without sexting. A world where the norm is to be virgin until you are married (if you are an upper class girl anyway). An alien world. 

To their credit, they were universally shocked that another character had forced himself sexually on a working class girl in the same play. They recognisd that she had not consented and that he had raped her. I was heartened by their condemnation of him and their shock when I said that a judge in 1912 would never have convicted him.

Still, we need to talk to our youngsters at every opportunity about consent. About privacy. About the public nature of the internet. About the law. One or two Citizenship and Guidance lessons a year are just not enough to counter a culture where porn is available at the click of mouse presenting unreal versions of love-making. 

Several female students have shown me their selfies. They look like porn stars: pouting lips, bare shoulders and come-to-bed-eyes. They have no idea that what their pictures say is, I am available for sex. 

They are not stupid, just young and inexperienced; the opportunities for them to get into hot water are just too numerous. 

As teachers, as parents and as a society, we have to do better at protecting them.