What Do Teenagers Need To Know About Sex?

Since you didn't ask, here are four things I think we are not teaching our kids well enough:

What a healthy relationships look like and how to spot an unhealthy one.

I'm not necessarily advocating sitting the nation's teens down in front of The Archers, but the Radio 4 audience seems to have had its collective eyes opened by the story of Rob and Helen Titchener. How much misery could we prevent if we taught our youngsters how to recognise the signs of coersion and manipulation and how to raise the alarm? 

What real men and women look like naked.

Here's the thing: most teens that I know, know that the images they are seeing are manipulated. They know that they are being presented with unrealistic ideals. But that doesn't help when they are looking at their body in the mirror and worrying about the fact that one of their balls is bigger than the other or that their labia are not quite like the ones on Youtube. They need to see that there is a huge variation in human bodies or else they have nothing to reassure them that their bits are normal.

#most people are a bit lopsided downstairs

What consent looks like.

Consent is an enthusiastic, "YES!" Consent today is not consent for tomorrow. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Consent to touch HERE is not consent to touch THERE. It's not consent if someone is under age, intoxicated or afraid. You don't have consent just because you paid for drinks/movie tickets/dinner. When in doubt, assume you don't have consent. We could keep a lot of young men out of the courts if they really got this message.

Sex is a private act.

Unless you are a porn star or an exhibitionist. Kids are often confused about private and public spaces, especially online. They send a picture of themselves in the buff to one person and expect that person not to share it, which is beyond naive. What happens when they have a row, and the recipient of the photo decides to get their own back by circulating the image online? There are legal implications to making your sex life public, sure, but that's not the end of it. When you apply for a job and your prospective employer googles you (which they will) and a picture of you with your dangly bits out comes up, it's not exactly conducive to a professional image. 

Sex education in so many schools is hit and miss. It is often taught in one off lessons, once a year and delivered by people who have no expertise and/or are embarrassed by the topic. It often focuses on the "birds and bees" information that we were taught in the 1970s and 80s. In some schools it is not taught at all. Even where it is taught fairly well, what is taught does not always address sex in the 21st century. 

We need a huge rethink. Sex is now everywhere for our youngsters - they go looking for information and get a hodgepotch of misinformation and mixed messages. There is good information and advice out there, but I'm afraid it gets drowned in a tsunami of unhelpful images and we are not going to solve the problem in couple of  45 minute lessons.